What you gonna do when you get out of jail?

"Have you ever watched cops slap hand cuffs on your boyfriend?"
"Uh, no, that must really suck."
So I'm the director of an improv comedy group. We had two shows this weekend which fell like the proverbial tree in the woods with no one there to hear them. Before Saturday's show, I put together my little bag of improv tricks and head to the venue. I see a mess o fire trucks on Market Street and think, oh, I sure don't want to take a cab, especially with Penn Relays and all. I'll be a smart commuter and take the El.

After standing on the El station platform for a half an hour (call time has come and gone), I ask the booth guy what's happening. "You have to take the shuttle bus." Of course they couldn't announce this to the dozens of people waiting on the platform like schmucks. Up on street level, every east going street is a parking lot. Jamaican track and field fans flood the sidewalks and every cab is full. Finally, I catch a bus.

A few of the riders look like they haven't taken a bus since Nixon resigned. A lady in a chanel pink suit insists, much to her husband's shame, on sitting facing the isle, her well-shod feet in everyone's way. Her husband scolds her, but she doesn't want anyone to try and sit next to her. He also scolds her for the question she asked at the campus political forum. "Terrorism has nothing to do with Iraq. That's how Bush clouds the issue. That's why it's so embarrassing that you asked that question about terrorism and Iraq." Another fancy boomer couple waves hello to these two. These other two aren't dressed for the bus, but they are totally cool and confident riders. One of the boomers says, "The El is the only way to get to Center City, but they found a suspicious package at 30th Street Station."

At last, I get to the venue, just one hour late. Our opening act is futzing around with the sound guy. One of the cast members is crying. Her boyfriend is in jail, in New York City, and she's glued to her phone trying to call anyone who knows anyone who can get him out. The cops stopped her and her boyfriend for speeding, then they arrested him for driving with a revoked license. She's one of the toughest broads I know, but she's sucking back tears. I give her a hug for what it's worth. So, I'm still a bit gimpy and recovering from laryngitis. One person's boyfriend is in jail. Another looks like Lurch because he's suffering from a cold. And the other person is all antsy. Let the comedy begin!

We go down to the "green room" and try to get mentally prepared, when in come these mannish ladies and a topless dancer, complete with moneyed G string. Turns out it's also lesbians of color night at the venue. Too bad I'm just mannish looking and not so excited by topless ladies.

That night, I perform better than I have in months. Go figure.