Get Your Rocks Off

So here's how it went down.

Melba and I were taking a break from toting boxes at Yoko's new place. Meanwhile, Yoko and Snacks were up in the NE returning the U-Haul. Melba and I sat on the marble steps, trying to catch a breeze when these two middle school aged kids walk up to us, a boy and a girl whom I took for siblings. The boy was wearing the current Philly teen uniform, an oversized white t shirt and baggy jeans with exposed drawers. The girl wore one of those charming t-shirts that gave instructions on what you could do if you didn't like her attitude. The kids asked if we wanted any help with the boxes. We declined. I don't mean to squelch enterprising youngsters, but years of urban living have made me wary of children who approach me with "helpful" offers.

Like most Philly kids and squirrels, this pair had no healthy fear/respect of strangers and their property, so even after we told them we didn't want their help, they started fingering Yoko's merchandise that we hadn't put inside yet. Like other Philly girls, this one wanted to know what was up with my hair.
"Why don't you get braids? Why is your hair all nappy?" she asked.
"That's the way my hair is. That how our hair is."
"No it's not!" she insisted. "It don't got to be!"
She went on to express her deep disapproval of my hair, which I should know is a satanic sign that the universe could unravel at any minute.
So I asked why she had to go up to people she didn't know and insult them.
"I'm telling you to your face!" she said in defense. This is a common Philly kid defense of verbal abuse. Somewhere along the line it became better to insult and attack people --regardless of the reason, with or without any real provocation-- than to keep your mouth shut and mind your own business.
During this tired conversation, the boy started scooting around on Yoko's office chair. Of course, this girl, who was all fired up to instruct me on grooming, didn't seem to care that her brother's fly was unzipped. Melba pointed this out and the boy nonchalantly zipped himself up.

"Get out of that chair, please. (I added the please because these were the kind of rude kids who would go ballistic at any show of disrespect) Put it back were it was."
Eventually the boy put the chair back. He looked at my watch and asked for the time, which I gave to him, adding "Don't you all have some place to be?"

This was one boy who showed more sense than his sister. He started walking away. But Miss Attitude wasn't satisfied. She noticed Yoko's Aikido stick sitting on the steps and grabbed it. "Is this your stick? Do you want this stick? Do you want this stick?"

She trotted down the sidewalk toward the end of the block dragging the stick behind her with a cruel smile. When she realized that Melba and I weren't about to chase after her, she brought the stick back like a poorly trained retriever, still asking if we wanted the stick back. Eventually, she let Melba take one end, then jerked back, as if she thought the stick would fly in Melba's face.
"How old are you?" Melba asked.
"Sixteen." said the girl, sticking her recently acquired hip out even further than before. "Don't try to roll your eyes at me!" she snapped.
We couldn't stop ourselves from laughing.
"Suck my dick!" the girl said.

I don't remember what other hateful nonsense this child said, but at some point Melba got up from the stoop, stick in hand, and approached the girl. I couldn't see the look on Melba's face, but whatever it was worked. The girl backed off at last with a frightened giggle. At last she went to the other side of the street and I thought we were rid of her. I couldn't resist waving good bye and blowing the little shit a kiss, but this was a mistake.
"Are you lesbians?"
I nodded, hoping she would run off or something.
"Are you lesbians?" she repeated.
"Why don't' you come over hear and find out?" said Melba.
"Don't try none of that gay shit on me!" said Miss Attitude.
Then she pulled a coupon circular bag out of a recycling bin and hurled it at us, missing Yoko's lamp by about a foot. That didn't cause any damage, so she trying throwing rocks at us. Her arm was not bad, but thankfully her aim sucked. The one rock tapped a window, but did no damage. Then Miss Attitdue, and her bother, who'd been pretty much standing around at a safe distance most of the time, ran away.

So basically, it was all Melba and I could do to stop ourselves from grabbing this horrible little girl and giving her an improvised Aikido lesson. I can see the headlines now "Mean White Lady and her Nappy Lover Assault Underprivileged Tot."