Sex is Gross

WARNING: TOO MUCH INFORMATION AHEAD

Rather than clog up poor Zantimisfit's scrolly thing with my wackedness, I'm going to spill the beans here. Perhaps you recall this titilating thread:

Quiconque: Ashy, was the tax collector Benicio Del Toro?
...
ashyknees: Maybe I should have been played by Scarlett Johansen
ashyknees: Last night I dreamed that I was trying to convince a tax collector to let me off the hook by sprinkling bath powder on my décolletage. I was played by Lucille Ball.
brad pitt: blah blah blah blah scarlett johansen and benicio del toro fucking in an elevator blah blah

Okay, so no. The tax collector was not the amazing Benicio or any other dreamy guy, just some twerpy looking dude. Why? Because sex in my dreams is bad sex. In my teens, I once dreampt that I was in a kitchen looking at a sumptious banquet table. Someone said, "Hey there's an orgy going on upstairs. Want to join?" I said, "Eh, I'll just be in the kitchen with the shrimp scampi." That was probably the best sexual dream I ever had.

Middle school brain still sends out a strong "sex is gross" message. For a grown lady in her sexual prime this leads to inner conflict which is then played out in my dreams. The result is that in most of my dreams about sexual activities:
A)I am not "me". I am played by someone else, someone I would never chose to play me. If it were up to me, I'd be played by Gabrielle Union, not some crazy redhead.
B)I don't get to actually do it, at least not that I can recall upon waking.
C)If I do, it's very...Nature special. As if I were some animal who was minding her own business at the proverbial watering hole when suddenly some male comes up behind me. And my attitude is sort of a bemused, "Oh, well. This again."

There have been a few happy exceptions to these rules and a few scary exceptions. Still, I am struggling to overcome the belief that sex is gross, much as I am struggling to overcome the belief that guys should be good at math and lift heavy things. Once I am free of these harmful beliefs, I can truly enjoy the rest of my sexual prime time.