not just yourself, but others

I was more upset than usual by today's imdb gossip column. Here's the sentence that offended me:
"A storm of criticism has arisen in Britain over a 10-minute sequence of the Channel 5 reality series The Farm, in which one of the show's participants was seen masturbating a pig, then collecting about 3/4 of a pint of semen in a flask to be used for inseminating sows."

You can't masturbate a pig! The pig must do it for himself. Isn't that the point of masturbation? Not according to the Oxford English Dictionary Online. The second definition, " 2. trans. To stimulate the genitals of (a person), esp. manually, for sexual pleasure. Also refl. and fig." dates back about as far as the first "intr." definition. Also, there really isn't a better way to express what happened to the pig.

This issue first arose during a Fringe festival improv scene in which I played Gwen Ifill. I bet you're sorry you missed those shows now!