Too Much Awareness or Not Enough

Recently, I feel as though I've become uncomfortably aware of my thought processes. It's not that I wasn't self-conscious before I suspected that I had ADHD, but that feeling had more to do with my fear of screwing up. Now, I'm not so afraid of screwing up. I just can't stop noticing how often I'm screwing up.

I always knew I was strange, but now I see a whole new dimension of my condition. For example, only recently did I discover that forgetting why I walk into a room is not something that happens to everyone else at least a couple of times a day.

Now every time I space out, tap my toes, or say something that might be inappropriate (even if it's true or amusing), I think, ah ha! It's the ADHD!

Perhaps this new awareness will lead me to control the negative aspects of my different way of processing information. Perhaps not. Right now, my awareness of these things seems to come a moment too late.

Also, while I'm obsessing over myself, I want to know how come I was such a good reader as a child, why I was so good at one of the most boring jobs a person could have--legal document coding, and stuff like that, if part of my brain is slow or screwy or whatever? Did other parts of my brain manage to "work around" these abnormal parts?Nothing I've read on ADHD seems to offer a satisfactory explanation of that. (Some of the descriptions of ADHD that I've read make me wonder, if I have it, how come I'm not in prison.)