My Haircut Phobia

Didn't Mr. Rogers have a song to help kids overcome their fear of haircuts?

I am a grown-up. I know my hair is dead and contains no nerves. Still, I am afraid of haircuts and the pain they cause. I cannot recall being satisfied with any haircut. The best emotion I can expect following a haircut is akin to what I feel while doing the laundry, a deep, dull resignation. Usually I feel cheated. At worse I feel like some kind of failure.

It's gotten so bad that I would rather have no hairstyle at all than get my hair cut regularly. But that will not do. There's no reason for me to have the hair of the undecided.