Full Metal Sundress

It's time to get ready to, as Madeline Kahn said in History of the World: Part 1, "confront...guyyys." If only they would line up in front of me as they did for Empress Nympho.

No, I have to get "out there" and look, machete in hand, hacking away at fierce vines and beasties while trying to appear friendly and to look my best, cramming my baggage into a handbag. Right now, it seems that my odds of finding a bona fide suitor are right up there with finding a wild colony of greater bamboo lemurs. I must approach quietly and upwind, so that they cannot smell any desperation. Or better yet, have no desperation at all. "Hey, lemurs. It's all good. I dig you and all, but whatever. If you want to hang out with me, I'll just be in this blind."

It's absurd, but so is a salmon swimming upstream.