Disqualifying Myself

When I look at job postings, I have a petrifying habit of immediately generating reasons why I won't get the job. I just have to plow through all the reasons why I won't get the job and apply anyway. I also imagine myself failing if I do get the job. Maybe the only way to delete this script from my mind is to succeed.

I could also try to imagine being successful. Imagining career success is difficult for me. I can imagine a scarf I plan to knit, but I can't picture "success." What the hell is it?

The last time I tried to visualize success on the job, the best I could do was see the vacations. I saw myself traveling, seeing more live shows, making donations, and otherwise being a cultured woman about town disposing her great disposable income. These activities were clearly enjoyable, but the pleasure and mastery of actual paying work itself was hazy.