Spoons Wanted

Warning: this post contains heavy bitching. Those who don't want to deal, please look at the happy picture of the claes OLDENBURG and coosje VAN BRUGGEN's Spoonbridge and Cherry from the Walker Sculpture Garden.



It's staff self-appraisal time at work, time for me to describe my mediocrity. I wish I was being falsely modest here, but that's the way it is. (I could go on about how screwed up it is for someone in my job to do self development self empowering appraisal shit, but I'll spare you that.)

After last year's appraisal, my boss made me attend an Admin Professionals training session. All I got out of it was smile, nod, and put the paper clips where the highly educated people I word for could see them. (Something about earning a masters impairs certain people's ability to navigate a supply cabinet, open boxes, etc. Assuming they had that ability to begin with. I didn't, but I managed to teach myself these skills. Hmmm.) Perhaps bosses should be forced to attend seminars where they learn how to manage administrative professionals! Ah, but where could such angry thought lead me? Smile, nod, smile, nod. Prior to that, I made all these other changes so that I would be more efficient and I would have more time to "think strategically," like my boss wants me to. Now I don't have enough stuff to do so my service sucks like when you go to McDonald's at a slow time.

My boss is afraid to assign work to me because I make typos, and therefore I am stupid.(I really think my boss thinks I'm piteously stupid or some kind of mental case.) I ask my other boss to give me deadlines, because I need structure, but she balks. Besides there aren't any real deadlines in this place. Even the fiscal year concept is fuzzy around these parts. It's so easy for me to drift. I get up to do something, but just as quickly forget what it was.

Since I can't work my way up here, my only motivation is pride. Time was when I took pride in a job well done for its own sake. Now, I'm like, eh. I used to be such a good worker. Really. Even when I first took this job. Now I am adequate. I'll do.

I must tunnel out of here. I must avoid the sewer lines. I must find the right spoon.