Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum!

Avoid at all costs any invitation to join a senior citizen on her trip to the gym, especially if you or the senior in your life has a bit of a competative streak. I knew from the moment I said yes to such an invitation, I was opening myself up to a world of dangers.

As I rode to the local Y, I prepared for a "Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum!" experience. Fortunately, I was able to beg off on joining my beloved senior's toning workout class. I figured either I would easily glide through the routine, which might make her feel bad, or the grannies would leave me in the dust, which would make me feel even worse.

I couldn't, however, escape from the weight training. As I flew through the routines set up for my beloved senior, she finally had to say, "You're pretty strong!" "Yes." I said, fighting back my wish to add "but not for someone half your age."

This seems to be a part of the beloved senior's not so covert mission to remake me in her image. She enjoys recommending clothes that, while flattering on her, would make me look like a tank, and home furnishings that cost more than my rent. Later that day, she tried to convince me that a once a week visit to the hair salon was as unavoidable as a woman's "monthlies." She even drove me to her hair dresser, which was thankfully closed, and paused in the parking lot as if to somehow condition me to it.