Unhappiness 101

Here are some lessons in avoiding unhappiness from the school of my life. See if you can tell that I made them up all by myself:

1. Don't Ask Why
Well, okay. You can ask why sometimes. Why is a perfectly legitimate thing to wonder about future situations (for example, "Why are we about to investigate the creepy noise in the woods armed only with flashlights?"), but when looking backward, why's a tricky situational son of a bitch. Even more frightening is the prospect of actually finding an answer. Once you know why, then either you'll have to do something about it, or worse, you'll know that nothing can be done. Just thinking about why makes my arm sore from the potential heavenward fist shaking.

2. Cheer Up, Everybody Dies Alone.
Worrying about dying alone or even living alone just sucks and is completely pointless. Sure, I'd probably enjoy growing old with some significant other, but I don't have one and I might not ever have one. I am in grave danger of asking myself why I don't, so I will refer to lesson 1.