Socks

At long last, the socks are done.

Christmas Cookie Crash

I'm in the middle of a Christmas cookie hangover. I know celery would help, but alas I will probably go for the hair of the dog. I feel my honor as a baker is at stake, so I've planned a baking binge for tonight. I will follow up with an egotistical cake baking session this weekend.

Last week, I had a major rage hangover.

It's a good thing I'm not that into alcohol and I don't know a thing about illegal drugs (even though I just started watching The Wire on dvd). Then again, who needs the stuff when there's so much sugar and spite in the air?

And Now This

Cool Yule

A link to some gifts that won't clutter your loved ones' homes.

Dear Port Authority Bus Terminal

Dear Port Authority Bus Terminal,

Thank you for having a decent women's bathroom.

Last Saturday evening, I was waiting in line for the Greyhound when I was suddenly faced with a dilemma--use the bus bathroom or use the Port Authority bathroom.

Fortunately, I found your ladies room to be adequately clean and well-stocked. I'm not saying I'd prepare baby food in there or anything. I'm just grateful that your facilities met my needs.

Yours,

Ashy.

To the Yonkers Fire Department

Dear Yonkers Fire Department:

I had the pleasure of visiting your city last weekend. It seems like a fine place. I hear that things are looking up for Yonkers what with new waterfront developments and such. Good for you.

Sadly, the finer feelings that your town and your work should evoke were consumed by confusion and frustration. Why, Yonkers Fire Department, oh why did you chose to clog a busy highway with your "Fill My Boot" charity drive? Why did you chose to waste the celebrated firefighter bravery by standing in the middle of a road? Surely you could have stood outside one of the many bustling shopping malls nearby and hit up one of the many people who were wheeling plasma screens and such into their vehicles. Instead you chose to back up traffic for miles. What if there had been a fire?

I hope that next time you do that Fill the Boot thing or a similar event, you will be able to find a more sensible location than the middle of a freaking four lane highway.

Best Wishes,

Ashy

Slought and Sloth

http://slought.org/content/11367/

The Cure for Holiday Cheer

Feeling too festive? Afraid you'll laugh and look like a fool?

I've got the DVD for you. Last night, I finally mustered up the guts to watch Darwin's Nightmare and I'm really glad that I did. Actually, I find these kinds of movies less depressing than, say, Sleepless in Seattle. I feel more stable when I know what's going on.

I Got a Haircut

. . .and it was okay.

Please Don't Runneth Over

WARNING: This post contains extreme girl talk.

I'm here to share my experience with the DivaCup Menstrual Solution.

Are you still with me?

(For those of you who are wondering how someone who gets freaked out by dating posts can easily write about her dainties for all the world to see, I say anything for science and the potential comfort of other women. With so little straightforward information available about menstruation, I cannot in good conscious let modesty keep me from sharing my experience with the small audience of this blog. While I admire the spirit of Menstrual Cup Support, some of the posts there are just bewildering. It seems that it is possible to not know your ass from your elbow. Although I am not a health care professional, I will do my best to avoid confusing folksy expressions such as "bum bum" and "thingy" and just get to the point.)
What you'll need before you try these cups:

• your cup of choice (Diva, Lunette, Keeper, Mooncup)
  
• a fancy organic food store or co-op
• mild unscented soap
• lots of toilet paper
• paper towels
• a back up panty liner
• an acceptance of the fact that the vagina is, unlike Martha Stewart's studio kitchen, not a pristine place that requires surgical cleanliness
• the ability to move something with a 2.5 cm circumference in and out of your vagina
  
• a plastic tarp (well, maybe not but it wouldn't hurt)

A Personal Prelude:
I have endometriosis, a common yet mysterious condition that can cause all kinds of hurt. Like many women in my family, I also have a fibroid--just a small one. For me, these conditions seem to cause an unusually heavy flow. The phrase "like a stuck pig" comes to mind. Even with therapeutic use of birth control drugs and dietary modifications, I still ride a virtual crimson wave each month. It's not uncommon for me to go through 1 and a half bags of pads during each cycle. Tampons do not meet the challenge (besides I fear that the removal string will wick outer germs inside me.)

After nearly 26 years of this, I shudder to think of the waste I have created. I am also totally tired of dealing with overnight leakage, not to mention daytime anxiety during lengthy meetings. This month, with a major presentation coming up on a day that I thought would fall during my period, I decided to reconsider the cup.

Many years ago when I first heard of the Keeper , I dismissed it as some kind of hippy dippy fantasy for women who lived on communes. The color reminded me of a toilet plunger. Also, it did not mesh with my primal belief that one should not block that which nature intended to flow outward (talk about hippy dippy).

Pardon me while I digress even further to discuss my beliefs. I have no idea why I believe that I should never block or why I care what color the Keeper is (who's looking at it anyway?). When it comes to my woman parts, I'd like to believe that I'm strictly scientific. Really, my understanding of my internal and external organs is a unique mix of the limited scientific information available for laypeople, cursory sex ed from Mom and school, vague cross section illustrations and disembodied parts in health pamphlets, an ultra sound technician from the former eastern bloc who said "you have a uterus tipped," stuff my friends said, things I found in my parents' drawers, Glamour, and a bunch of notions that I concocted on my own. Even after dealing with a string of doctors to help (and hinder in the early stages) treat my endometriosis, I still wish I had a clearer understanding of my anatomy.

Somehow I heard about the DivaCup (probably from Yoko or Trix). The name and the transparent material made it more acceptable than the Keeper (the company now has its own clear cup with a cute name, Mooncup), so I researched further and came to learn that these cups didn't block flow at the cervix, unlike the disposable Instead Softcup (you gotta check out the video on their site. It's very informative, but talk about your disembodied parts!). The DivaCup rides low near the opening of vagina (That means the reusable cups can't be in place during vaginal-penile sex. For that kind of action, Instead has the advantage. I guess this is a good place to mention, for the young 'uns who find this post, that no menstrual cup can be used for birth control and they don't protect against sexually transmitted diseases. Also, eat plenty of leafy greens and don't forget to brush your teeth and floss daily!).


Day 1:

Finding the Diva.

Store Lady: Thank-you-for-calling-Whole-Paycheck-How-may-I-help-you?
Ashy: I'm calling to see if you have an item in stock.
Store Lady: What department would it be in?
Ashy Lady: Uh, I'm not sure. I think it's near the candles and stuff.
Store Lady: Is it a feminine hygiene product?
Ashy: (relieved) Yes!
Store Lady: That'll be in grocery. I know it's weird. Let me transfer you.

Store Boy: Grocery.
Ashy: Hi, I'm calling to see if you have the diva cup.
Store Boy: The what?
Ashy: Diva cup. (pause) D-I-V-A-C-U-P (recalling the Simpson's episode in which Marge is tricked into telling a salesman that she wants to "see him pee")
Boy: What's that?
Ashy: It's supposed to be in grocery.
Boy: Hold on.

(17 minutes later)

Boy: Sorry, I got distracted.

Cut to the chase. I bought the dang thing. I chose size 2. I took it home and looked at it. It was clear, smooth, and didn't smell like a factory. It also comes with a little lapel pin. I'd love to know who thought up that promotional idea.

I read the instructions thoroughly. (Of course she did, the wise among you are probably thinking, but if you read Menstrual Cup Support, you'll see that many people didn't take time to read the instructions and thoroughly acquaint themselves with the structure of their cups. It makes you wonder if they pay enough attention to the other things they welcome into their snatches and bum bums.)

I put the cup into place while standing with one foot on the edge of my tub. The final step after insertion is to rotate the cup once. This was no mean feat. While the DivaCup does have ridges at the bottom as well as a little stem, it would have been easer to turn it if there was a little flat nub or a wing there--something I could really get a hold of.

Beginners luck. No leaks. No interference with my birth control ring. It was wonderful being able to take a shower during my period and really feel thoroughly clean afterward, without having to worry about bloody towels and bath mats.

Removal was a different story. Like separating eggs, it takes a few tries to get the hang of it. As the cup reexpanded near the opening of my vagina, I felt a slight pain like a mild pinch. Perhaps I should have gone with the size 1, even though size 2 is recommended for women over 30. Here are some removal tips based on my experience:

• Do your best to relax and breathe and calmly focus.
• Urinate before attempting to remove the cup unless you want to accidentally pee into it.
• While following the manufacturer's removal procedure, keep a free hand underneath your vagina in case you lose your grip. This is especially important while sitting on the toilet, unless you want to go fishing.
• Pinch the bottom end of the cup as directed.
• Use a slow fluid motion to pull it horizontally (sort of) away from your tail bone for removal, then downward so that the cup doesn't immediately pour into the toilet in a way that you can't control.
• Slowly pour the contents into to the toilet.
  

I was fascinated by the results. I'd never seen menstrual blood in a container before. For the first time, I could see what I'd been dealing with for years and get a clear picture of the volume. I must admit, it was a little revelation.

Day 2:
I woke up to clean sheets, even though I wasn't wearing a humongous pontoon-sized overnight pad or sleeping on an old towel.

For some reason, I was not able to replicate the same seal that I got on the first try, perhaps because I'd switched to inserting while sitting on the toilet--the position I'd most likely have to use if I wanted to use the thing away from home.

I successfully emptied the cup in a public restroom. This required a bit of preparation. Before getting down to business, I made sure to have plenty of tissue paper at the ready. According to the instructions, I did not need to wash the cup with soap and water before reinserting it. A quick and careful wiping out will do, so long as no paper bits are left on the cup.

After some online research, I came upon the best cup directions yet. The Fins who made Lunette also wrote the clearest, most explicit English instructions for cup insertion. With this information, I believe I'll be able to get better and more consistent insertion.

Conclusion so far:

• This product has a steep learning curve and it's not for the faint-hearted.
• I'm really glad that I can sterilize the Diva Cup by boiling it. It can also be cleaned with rubbing alcohol, which I might try once this period is over to prepare the cup for storage.
  
• Believe it or not, I can return the Diva Cup if I'm not satisfied.
  
• I'm preparing myself for the real test of this product--clots.