Don't Make a Wish

For a pessimist, I sure do a lot of wishful thinking. And that kind of thinking always bites me in the ass. Next time I'm tempted to pull the wool over my own eyes, I hope I'll have the strength to slap myself out of the delusion. I'm afraid I'll never learn.

More Facebook Awkwardness

You know what's awkward? Watching a bunch of you know people post birthday wishes to a coworker's Facebook page, but being blocked by that same coworker from doing the same thing. I never thought I was best buddies with this person, but I don't know what I did to this guy to warrant getting the block. It's not like he's an in-law. It feels kind of shitty. Oh, well.

If Aretha and Condi can do it...

It's sad that so many grown people are still hung up about who's too black, who is black enough, and who is too bourgie. That kind of thinking was silly in elementary school, crippling in the teen years, and it's just plain pathetic in adults. If the Queen of Soul can team up with the former Secretary of State, I think the rest of us can get past the arbitrary social distinctions that we've bought into and treat each other better.

Maybe there's an inescapable impulse to categorize people, but because everyone is born into a set of circumstances that they can't control it's pretty pointless to make value judgments based on where they grew up or what their parents did or did not do for a living.

In all honesty, it's easier for people in the same social class to get along with each other. But just because it's easier doesn't mean it's wise to avoid other groups of people all together. I'm sure I seem crass and boring to the rich, and stuck up and boring to the poor. I confess that when I first met very rich people, they were often irritating if not infuriating, but this was not a good enough reason not to take advantage of some of the knowledge and resources they had. And when I overhear poor people talking on the trolley some of their attitudes still amaze me, but this is no reason for me to stop riding the trolley and try to block these people from my view or remain ignorant about them.

Sometimes class walls seem even higher in the black community, even though the actual differences in our incomes may be smaller. The stand up comic Patrice Oneal has a routine about kids in the same neighborhood living on the same street making a big deal over who lived in public housing and who didn't. This kind of difference seems significant in the small world of a city block, but when you zoom out a bit, it's a joke.

Often it's the people who are middle class or who have middle class ties who get the most fired up about trying not to seem middle class. And if you're just talking about style, this is understandable, because the middle is boring. But this anti-bourgeois pose can lead to self-defeating acts and missed opportunities. And the people with working class backgrounds or experience in poverty often spend a lot of energy trying to act like money is no object. This leads to maxed-out, stressed out nonsense. What is the point of spending our limited resources trying to appear upscale or spending limited resources trying to seem more down (sometimes I think it's more expensive to avoid looking bourgeois)? The sadder question is, who are we really trying to impress?

You can feel proud about where you come from and proud of your family's strengths without trying to make others feel shame about their backgrounds.

Money, why won't you stay a while?

Men Eat Food and Work

I confess that about once a week or so, I stand on the edge of completely giving up on dating. Usually I don't even bother remarking on this lack of hope, because if I gave up on romance who would notice the difference anyway? The hope returns, usually based on nothing, and I keep using the same the ineffective tactics I've been doing for the last year to attract potential suitors.

But this week is different. A friend has managed to put me in touch with a friend of a friend. Nothing else has happened with that yet, and nothing more may ever happen. Then, a most generic guy actually sent me a message through OKCupid. This guy's communications could be the title of a Talking Heads album: More about a Man Who Eats Food and Work in Buildings.

I am a man.
Planes fly over my house.
I work with technology.
I like your profile.
Woman, be friends with me.

I am a brown man
who cooks the food
my ancestors cooked.
Don't be afraid.
I'll make it taste real good.

Oh oh
I like to have fun.
Oh oh
Thank you for your time.
Oh oh
I like to have fun.
Oh oh
Thank you for your time.

XXL to M and Mixxled Up

Okay. What the hell size am I? I wore a size 14 in high school. I don't know what my actual measurements were at the time. For a strange period about 10 years after high school when I lived in New York City and smoked cigarettes, I my size went down to a 10. Eventually, I regained some weight and I crept up to a 16 where I plateaued--or so I thought. At the beginning of this year, I weighed a LOT more than I did in high school and I was pushing the size 18 envelope. Now I am back down to my "Manhattan weight" (without the nicotine, lucky me!), but I can pack into a size 8. There's no way to know what my actual size was based on the clothes I wore at any given time. This is messing with my mind, man. I am not flattered by this shift in clothing industry size standards. I'm just confused.

Stop playing games with me, fashion industry! Don't tell me what you think I want to hear. Pick a standard and tell me what size your clothes are so I don't have to spend all my time trying them on and guessing what might fit. It works for shoe sizes. It works for men's pants. Please.

Something Awesome

People are doing great things. I want to make something awesome happen for myself soon. I don't know what it is. I need to set aside some time and ask myself honestly what I truly want. This question terrifies me. When I am aware of what I truly want, then I must also be aware of the likelihood of obtaining what I want and the amount of effort required to get it.

In the past, it felt easier to give up on what I really wanted or to water it down in some way, and that lead to failure. I made the biggest mistakes in my life by distorting or destroying my own ideas about what I wanted to do in order to fit other people's definition of success. Instead of being practical about making my own dreams come true, I tried to live out other people's ideas. And when I failed at that, it became difficult for me to make any real plans.

It's true that many things are beyond my direct control. In some cases, all I can do is put myself in a position. All I can do is blow the seeds off the dandelion head and hope that some will sprout. It's not hopeless. Look at all the dandelions out there.

Can I Put a Price on Gratitude?

Can I put a price on gratitude? Yes. In my particular case, the price is between three and five thousand dollars.

Putting a price on gratitude is a big relief. Before I came up with this price range, I was anxious and uncertain. Now, I have a plan. If anyone asks me how much gratitude I have, I will be able to answer quickly and calmly.

The only question still hanging over my head is how many hours of labor and stress are equal to my gratitude. This equation is easy for me to solve in cases where someone really needs my help. But when someone knowingly and recklessly puts himself in a situation where he is likely to need my help, the calculation becomes much more difficult.