Free Cone Day is Good

Happiness is not two kinds of ice cream, but Free Cone Day is good. The moment something bad happens, it can overshadow things like free cone day or the relief of hearing that some health care reforms will actually go into effect.

I hope everyone enjoys their free cone today and that the wait in line was not so long.

Frog Control

If you take the saying "You've got to kiss a few frogs before you meet your prince" to heart, beware. Frogs who are not really princes and frogs who are really assholes do not magically disappear after you try kissing them. Some of these creatures will try to kiss again.

I really don't like to tell men off in public but if this man approaches me again I guess I will have to. Hopefully he won't start cursing me out or accuse me of some crime of snobbery. If I'm a snob because I don't want to get involved with an older man who appears to be high most of the time and doesn't have a working phone, then so be it.

This man lives very close to me, so I see him in the neighborhood. Today, he saw me in the park and came up to me and tried to land a kiss on my lips. I turned my head away, but he still got my cheek. He was with one of his feckless looking friends. "I've been drinking," he said sheepishly. "Yeah, you've been drinking," I said and walked away. I washed my face as soon as I got home.

It's so fucking stupid I can't believe it. I go out with this guy for one beer (which I paid for) in the spirit of openness. Now I have to deal with this son of a bitch. It's making me very hateful.

Women who won't go out with guys who can't pay for a meal aren't necessarily gold-diggers. That meal is like a security deposit. It shows that the guy is considerate and capable. If a grown man can't pay for your entree or even your coffee, then he's probably got serious problems. Even a decent man who has been laid off should demonstrate some kind of consideration if he wants to start a relationship or just get some.

"Only Boring People Get Bored."

I am trying very hard not to be bored right now. I just realized that the things I am doing to avoid boredom are actually pretty boring, knitting and laundry. As much as I love knitting, it will never be on a list of most exciting activities. And the project I am working on now is a no-brainer. And doing laundry always feels like a punishment. I watched 2 episodes of 30 Rock. I am on facebook, overcommenting and reading dispatches from people's vacations. And now I'm writing this brilliant thing.

Why is boredom so awful? It is oppressive. It feels like it's smothering my brain. When I am bored, I will eat. I will eat the most delicious thing I can get my hands on with very little effort . Usually, I will eat cereal or toast, which is ironic because these are some of the least exciting foods I know.

So I am guilty of being bored and boring. And I think I will go out in the wind and damp and get some decent food because being uncomfortable is sometimes better than being bored.

Skies Are Drippy

On cold, rainy days I regret having wasted my time indoors on a clear or even overcast day.

Why the Hell Would I Try Again?

The online store is Nordstrom. The category in question is "suits & separates."

"We're sorry. We do not have any items in this category available in size Tall XL (16-18). Please select a different size and color from the dropdown and try again."

Maybe they want me to lose weight and try again. But no. They don't have any Tall L or Tall M, so I guess they want me to try when I get shorter.

Maybe they hope I'll come down with a quick case of osteoporosis.

Please Yell at Me, But Don't Yell at Me

After I recovered from the mini-meltdown and actually got some work done, I thought wouldn't it be great to have someone yell at me when I started to goof off, space out, or engage in some useless pursuit at the expense of what really needs doing?

I remember a physical therapist who would always make me do all of my excercises even when I thought I had reached exhaustion. She didn't shout at me like a drill sargeant, but if I started flagging, she would say, come on, finish up and don't get sloppy. It worked. I did more that I thought I could do because she rode my ass.

Unfortunately, it isn't possible for me to ride my own ass. Just as I cannot tickle myself, I cannot easily say, "Hey, back to work!," at least not with any reliability. I am pretty good at making myself feel crappy when I don't accomplish things, but that's pretty useless.

If I could pay someone like a physical therapist to yell at me, that would be fine, but I can't ask a friend to do it. I recently tried to get a friend to tell me that I had too much junk in my bedroom. I asked her point blank, "Do you think this is a problem?" I believed that if she said yes, that would motivate me to get rid of some of the stuff. Wisely, she didn't take the bait. Being the nag is a thankless job, even when people ask you to do it. Nags deserve material compensation.

My Brain is Wrong

"But I don't feel like it." Why is that so important to me?

My brain went on strike today and I got nothing done. I feel like a zombie.

I seriously think that parts of my brain aren't plugged in, such as the part that gives me a sense of accomplishment. Finishing projects has little intrinsic value to me.

It can't really be that I have no control over this.

I know many responsible people. I wonder if I really am that different from them inside. I feel like I'm just treading in a sea of chaos, well more like a pond of chaos. Things don't matter. I really need to just do things for their own sake, even if there's no pleasure or meaning involved. I need to just plow through.

It will be better when I'm done with these overdue projects. Doing them won't be so awful. Why do these things seem so awful to me?

I feel like there's this constant static in my head and I can't ignore it unless I'm doing something interesting.

I need to rethink how I operate, but first I have to plow through these projects. I am perfectly capable of completing these projects. My work will be satisfactory as usual.