Ashyknees' Time Killer

The author is willing, but her punctuation is weak.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Laziest Heterosexual on Earth

It's taking me ages to complete my OKCupid online dating profile. Filing my income tax was so much easier and much more fulfilling.

I grudgingly play along with the idea that listing my movies and hobbies will reveal "something special" about me to a potential "mate." I ignore the fact that in all my pictures, no matter who takes them, I seem to look like my father in drag. I haven't looked at any man's profile yet, but I'd better do that, too, as if that will reveal something special about him.

What is easy is answering the endless supply of match questions. I skip the ones that seem poorly conceived or involve hypothetical human flesh eating and such.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Long Nap Weekend

I must have needed this long weekend more than I thought. I spent a surprising amount of it sleeping.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

My New Nerd Fantasy

I'm thinking it would be great to learn how to spin yarn and do a bunch of research on it, then I could become an historic reenactor and teach people about the history of spinning in America.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Will Power

Today, in spite of having no desire to create and check spreadsheets, I will myself to do the seasonal data output. I am a strong, responsible woman. Working hard is in line with my fundamental values.

Yeah, that sounds good.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Full Metal Sundress

It's time to get ready to, as Madeline Kahn said in History of the World: Part 1, "confront...guyyys." If only they would line up in front of me as they did for Empress Nympho.

No, I have to get "out there" and look, machete in hand, hacking away at fierce vines and beasties while trying to appear friendly and to look my best, cramming my baggage into a handbag. Right now, it seems that my odds of finding a bona fide suitor are right up there with finding a wild colony of greater bamboo lemurs. I must approach quietly and upwind, so that they cannot smell any desperation. Or better yet, have no desperation at all. "Hey, lemurs. It's all good. I dig you and all, but whatever. If you want to hang out with me, I'll just be in this blind."

It's absurd, but so is a salmon swimming upstream.