Ashyknees' Time Killer

The author is willing, but her punctuation is weak.

Monday, January 30, 2006

Hell Bent for Lace, or Knitting and Ambition Don't Mix

I thought I could knit lace, but like the song says, I "just haven't earned it yet, baby."

Two weeks ago, I purchased a set of lace patterns from the fancy ass salon de laine, then I bribed Yoko into giving me a quickie open work lesson over some diner food. In spite of of all this, I cannot make the freaking lace scarf of my egotistical dreams. I saw myself handing the scarf to relatives and shocking them with my crafty talents. But no, I can only work about 2 inches of lace before I fail. It only takes a moment of distraction, then Slip! Once I screw up, there's no unraveling, no unknitting, no return. I am forced to frog the whole thing and start over. It's just like a video game where I'm stuck on the 6th level.

To celebrate this experience, I have created my own personal knitting difficulty rating system based on what media I handle while knitting without screwing up.

Level 0--Lost: Okay, so I can't knit and watch a new episode of Lost at the same time, so I get this would be not so much knitting as pulling a sweater out of a drawer.
Level 1--Magnificent Seven: I can watch a beloved action film and not screw up, even when Yule Brenner is on.
Level 2--Funky: I can listen to Purple Rain or talk with live humans.
Level 3--Fox sitcom re-run: Neither Bart, nor Kramer, nor Fraiser will stop me.
Level 4--Car Talk: Two obnoxious guys laughing in a thick Boston accent will not distract me.
Level 5--Off the Hook: Turn off everything
Level 6--Spit out the Gum

Monday, January 23, 2006

Life is Still Good

Lest anyone think that all I do is sit around worrying about dating, I had a damn fine weekend. My Saturday afternoon with Papertrix was filled with crafty fun, musical education, and tasty Vietnamese food. I even got a credit card from the Bank of Hell. On Sunday, I did absolutely nothing productive, and it was good.

Stupid Stupid Stupid!

That is my gut reaction to the situation known as "dating."

I have precious little experience in this field. Most popular literature on the subject is crappy. And the success stories that ring most true seem to go something like this "I don't know, I just met this guy."

I believe that the minute I expect dating to be a reasonable encounter between two responsible and rational adults is two minutes before I'll be in for a huge disappointment. And I don't like disappointment. Or rejection. They are not fun. The sky isn't plaid and they are not fun.

There is no answer. There is no method. There is only trial and error. And trial and error are not fun.

I believe that dating is like the laundry. I want clean clothes, but going to the laundromat sucks.

* Yet dating is not like the laundry. Dating is like doing the laundry using unmarked boxes of chemicals, having no temperature settings, and no way of sorting your clothes first. Yeah, that's what it's like.*

"With such a bad attitude, no wonder you're not having much luck." you might say.

Yeah, well... If I had some concrete evidence that I could find dating more enjoyable than sitting at home watching reruns of "The Magificient Seven," then I might change my attitude.

Friday, January 20, 2006

What Will Keep Me Off the Streets Now?

Since I am supposed to be saving money so I can move out of my apartment and for the first time in ages I am not enrolled in a night class, I've got a bad case of idle hands. Yes, I'm knitting.(I went to a lunchtime knitting thing today, and I was like, how can we ramp this up? Speed knitting? Everyone pass her work over to her neighbor when I count to 3?) Yes, I found a sewing machine manual, but I miss real action.
Ultimate is months away. There's no naked art model club this semester. What will I do? It's gotten so bad I almost watched American Idol. It's gotten so bad that I'm thinking about finding a boyfriend.

Here are some hobbies I'm considering:
Learning to play drums (copying Yoko)
Capoeira, the Brazilian Martial Art (copying Ten and Yoko again)
Yoga once I get some money (copying Sage)
The Episcopal Church (copying relatives)
Really writing something (copying a whole lot of people)
Algebra (copying my neighor's test paper)

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Get Sucked In To Georgetown Books

Blasts from the Past

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Chat me up, Chat me down

It's been a while since I've griped about the singles scene, so I feel entitled to say that something has gone horribly wrong with flirting.

Yesterday, a solid citizen decided to ask me for my phone number. I said yes. He offered me his phone number. I took it. Then he asked me if I had plans for the evening. I said I did (at least I hadn't planned to go out with some guy I just met that afternoon). Then I said see you later or something like that.

That evening, he called. We chatted. He didn't ask me out. I didn't ask him out. And so it goes.

This shouldn't be a big deal, but it is a rare deal for me. The last time I had a bona fide request for a date without the use of the internet was before 9-11. The rareness of such encounters leads me to examine each one closely and exclaim "What the hell was I supposed to do?" And the universe replies with silence.

Flirting, that is real flirting that might actually lead to something, is dead to me. I was never much of a flirt to begin with. Now, the closest I get to flirting with single, decent men who are not sales clerks looking for repeat business or waiters bucking for a tip is a job interview-like exchange in which I get stared at state my marital status and a few useless taste demographics, then get stared at some more.

Some people have replaced flirting with a drop down menu in the sky that lists the qualities of their ideal mate. I'm no romantic. My dream would be to skip these preliminaries all together and just be with someone compatible. That ain't gonna happen, but this questionnaire mentality, this demographic pornographic does nothing for me. It's enough to make me miss the dorky double entendre of high school and the fumbling, drunken misadventures of college.

Also, I'm thinking I'm not asking any guys out again. If they want to go out with me, they can ask me. And if I am not available to go out one day, they can suggest an alternate day.

Best MLK Day of Service Ever

Finally, I found a quickie service project that felt right. I helped to clean and paint a community center. I left a place cleaner and more painted.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Wanted: Kenmore Model 158.13160 Sewing Machine Manual

If anyone out there has a line on a Kenmore Model 158.13160 Sewing Machine manual, please let me know. Sears doesn't have them anymore.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

How to Have Fun By Yourself

I had to take some vacation days or lose them. It's silly to complain about the situation, yet here I go.

Vacation days spent doing chores hardly seem like vacations, but doing fun things on a vacation day when everyone else is at work could wind up costing more than a day's pay if I'm not careful. So after spending too much money "window shopping," I decided to come up with a list of fun things to do alone for less than 5 bucks. I limited myself to things that are legal, even in the southern states.

1. Window shopping with the credit and debit cards at safely at home. (Today I went to Boyd's for the first time looking like a total raggamuffin. Took sick pleasure from the discomfort on the clerks' faces as they tried to appear polite. "May I help you?" "No thanks, just looking.")
2. Visit the library. Visit a museum on free days/hours.
3. Watch Television, listen to radio (cost: depends on energy rates)
4. Write lists (cost: paper, ink or graphite)
5. Take a walk (cost: wear on shoes)
6. Draw a picture (can be done for less than 5 bucks if you already have the supplies on hand).
7. re-read a favorite book (cost: lighting)
8. listen to recording I haven't heard in years. Watch one of my old movies.
9. write a letter
10. origami or kirigami
11. memorize a poem or favorite quotes
12. design or plan a creative project (it can be a practical project, but nothing essential)
13. sing
14. take a soak in the tub
15. safety permitting, ride a bus or train to the end of the line, then back again.

Any other ideas out there?

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Romp, or Ledger Swings Both Ways

For movie goers looking for a little fizz to help their digestion after diet of heavy heavy holiday film fare, Cassanova is the cure. (This year, even the big budget fantasy films are heavy. And Lord help me. I did Syrianna and Brokeback in one week.)

Cassanova's got everything a geeky girl could want. History, clever dialogue, a roguish hero, a headstong heroine, cleavage, masks, people speaking in British accents even though they're supposed to be Italian...Jeremy Irons. But it is more than just "a slutty movie with cool clothes"(thank you, Ten Feet of Steel, for that assessment of Henry and June.)It's an old school romp. I saw it with my aunt Liz and we had a blast.

And as if we needed more proof that "girls don't fall in love with fun," I heard a young woman at a party say, "Heath Ledger never did anything for me until I saw Brokeback Mountain." Uh...even I of the busted gaydar had to raise my eyebrows at that.

I dig how Cassanova is more effeminate than Ennis Del Mar.